It felt like the cool kids had found a great little coffee shop they could hang out in but one day they showed up and all these greasers and metalheads were sitting there and were like, "Show us your tits!", so the smart kids did the only reasonable thing they could do, which was to sit down in front of the coffee shop and light themselves on fire.
Everyone please calm down until I can make more popcorn.
Well la-dee-dah

monimus:

Everyone’s a writer with Formspring.

I remember back in the day when The Men Guide used to answer all your questions.

Hang in there Moe, the children will be done with this Formspring bullshit soon enough.

And yes, I owe you a column still.

Seriously though, Formspring is like Blogger for Grandpa.

So, you made a "leaderboard," then got disheartened because people chased the lead. Right. I'm guessing you're probably a nightmare to date.
So I heard about the end of Favrd and my first thought was:

indefensible:

How’s @nick going to research his next book?

Fuck. I was just about to make that joke. So what happened exactly? Too many tourists?

Every one of these hairstyles looked awful on me, no matter how hard I tried.

I hope you star something and then find out it's from Sarah Palin. Or Hitler. Hee haw.
lindstifa:

squibble:

toseethis:

illinoisairship:

It has begun snowing here in Chicago again.
If you’ve never been to Chicago then you might not know that the only thing more intense than our weather is our ability to talk about it. It’s an inevitability. With minus zero winds and freezing rain we talk about weather (a conversation topic usually reserved for awkward moments on dates and at bus stops) with an excitement and fervor usually reserved for politics and sports. Everyone has their own theories on what will happen day-to-day with the weather, each person agreeing that trusting the “Weatherman” is a cardinal mistake and the equivalent of listening to eastern mystics or trying to divine the wind pattern from the entrails of birds and chicken bones flung against the ground. What can be agreed upon is that weather becomes a monster in Chicago. Cold freezing impasses at intersections and shin deep slush anticipating ankles and dry socks. One walks down the street swearing into the wind and when finally climbing aboard a bus or train is greeted by a host of red noses and empathetic eyes as the caked snow sloughs off shoulders to become puddles on the floor. But somehow this intensity of pure cold hell becomes a badge of honor. We literally weather the weather. Perhaps our complaining is really bragging. We snuff at others who come from warmer clients and enjoy enlightening new residents as to the severity of the winter they face. “You think this is bad? You just wait.” is the preferred answer to autumn cold complaints. It is our shared burden and our collective pride. I dread it, hate it and thrive on it.
But sometimes it’s majestic. Sheets of ice that stretch across the lake heave and crack while icicles descend crystalline off the gargoyles on the gothic downtown buildings. On late nights, with beer jackets wrapped tightly around us, the pristine uninterrupted expanse of freshly fallen snow glows orange under streetlights as if bathed in a candles warmth and we catch snowflakes on our tongues as we struggle laughing through cold drifts, our ankles dry and cheeks flushed. We strip to long-johns and cuddle under covers reliving childlike games of eskimos and arctic tundras.
Today the flakes fall lightly and the air is crisp. I’m going to take a walk and listen to Arcade Fire’s Funeral on my ipod. I’m through worrying about the fucking weather.

I love this city

Ditto

Me three.
 I miss hearing news stories about people beating the crap out of each other over cleared parking spaces, and the furniture used to claim them. Saw a whole dresser once.

lindstifa:

squibble:

toseethis:

illinoisairship:

It has begun snowing here in Chicago again.

If you’ve never been to Chicago then you might not know that the only thing more intense than our weather is our ability to talk about it. It’s an inevitability. With minus zero winds and freezing rain we talk about weather (a conversation topic usually reserved for awkward moments on dates and at bus stops) with an excitement and fervor usually reserved for politics and sports. Everyone has their own theories on what will happen day-to-day with the weather, each person agreeing that trusting the “Weatherman” is a cardinal mistake and the equivalent of listening to eastern mystics or trying to divine the wind pattern from the entrails of birds and chicken bones flung against the ground. What can be agreed upon is that weather becomes a monster in Chicago. Cold freezing impasses at intersections and shin deep slush anticipating ankles and dry socks. One walks down the street swearing into the wind and when finally climbing aboard a bus or train is greeted by a host of red noses and empathetic eyes as the caked snow sloughs off shoulders to become puddles on the floor. But somehow this intensity of pure cold hell becomes a badge of honor. We literally weather the weather. Perhaps our complaining is really bragging. We snuff at others who come from warmer clients and enjoy enlightening new residents as to the severity of the winter they face. “You think this is bad? You just wait.” is the preferred answer to autumn cold complaints. It is our shared burden and our collective pride. I dread it, hate it and thrive on it.

But sometimes it’s majestic. Sheets of ice that stretch across the lake heave and crack while icicles descend crystalline off the gargoyles on the gothic downtown buildings. On late nights, with beer jackets wrapped tightly around us, the pristine uninterrupted expanse of freshly fallen snow glows orange under streetlights as if bathed in a candles warmth and we catch snowflakes on our tongues as we struggle laughing through cold drifts, our ankles dry and cheeks flushed. We strip to long-johns and cuddle under covers reliving childlike games of eskimos and arctic tundras.

Today the flakes fall lightly and the air is crisp. I’m going to take a walk and listen to Arcade Fire’s Funeral on my ipod. I’m through worrying about the fucking weather.

I love this city

Ditto

Me three.

 I miss hearing news stories about people beating the crap out of each other over cleared parking spaces, and the furniture used to claim them. Saw a whole dresser once.

"The worst thing about Jaws and Gruden on Monday Night Football is that they are consistently one-upping each other in terms of volume. First Gruden says something loudly, then Jaws says something even louder to punctuate what Gruden said, then Gruden comes back screaming at the top of his fucking lungs. Hey assholes, you have microphones pinned to your shirt. They can pick up your voice just fine if you talk like a normal person. Shitheads. Whenever my mom uses a cell phone, she shouts because she thinks sound has a more difficult time traveling through the air and not via wires. And she doesn’t just shout. She really yells her fucking head off. Everyone has to leave the area when she’s on a cell phone, otherwise you develop vertigo. Jaws and Gruden have the same effect. Please guys, for the love of God, shut the fuck up for five seconds."
Do not panic, do not panic, do not panic ...

hurtling:

I just made the mistake of looking again at the RSVPs for the SF tweetup and seriously, like, two-thirds of the people there are going to have no idea who I am and OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO BE THE CREEPY OLD GUY DRINKING ALONE IN THE CORNER!!!

Fuck me in half. I have made a huge tiny mistake.

If I go, I’ll sit next to you. But I won’t hold your hair if you vomit. Okay, FINE, I’ll do that too.

Peaches en Regalia for @Zaius13

The Ur-Cougar
Julie London as Nurse Dixie McCall on Emergency!
(oh and that’s Bobby Troup, her husband or something)
via 4.bp.blogspot.com

The Ur-Cougar

Julie London as Nurse Dixie McCall on Emergency!

(oh and that’s Bobby Troup, her husband or something)

via 4.bp.blogspot.com

When I bust out the pop-up, snow-covered Graceland that is part of Elvis Presley’s fine CD If Every Day Was Like Christmas, it really is Christmas, so go to your room and shut your pie-holes with more pie.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Super Dave Osborne’s Joke of the Week. Because I care, man.

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Themed by: Hunson
Creative Commons License
Shouldn't You Be Writing? by C.m. Velazquez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.